I have found that my life has been on a journey on a lazy river of recovery and transformation for most of my life. And along this journey, I have encountered all three – trauma, truth, and triumph.
Lately, I have found myself writing a lot more and I feel like sharing some of it here with you today. In moments of my awakening and shifts, I write. When I am moved, sad or shedding my scales, I write. I find deep healing and transformation occurs for me when I do this. I find access to happiness and peace through writing. There are times it literally feels unrealistic that I could go from one diametrically opposite state of being and feeling to another. But something shifts once I have written, and I feel renewed. In this piece of writing below this happened once again for me and I lived through the trauma, truth and triumph all in this stream of consciousness. There truly are infinite opportunities for healing. Here is Choices:
I could go on and on about the pain
About the shame, about the blame
I could talk and talk into the night
About how so much wrong was done to me
And wake up the next day and talk some more
I could dwell in the past
Relive, rethink, reimagine, re-dream
What if things had been different?
What if I had made a different choice?
What if I was somewhere else that night?
What if? What if? What if?
But that’s not how I want to live anymore
Although it’s tempting, and no one said I couldn’t
That’s not how I want to exist anymore
Blaming, shaming, regretting, hating
Being stuck in the past is always an option
Not the option that delivers joy
Nor is it the way to peace
Certainly not the path to happiness
I know this well, as I have tried
And I have fought, and I have cried
Constant complaining, chaos, and commotion
Is not where love is
Is not where peace is
Is not where home is
The home is where the heart is
The heart is where God’s love is
Made by God no longer can I resist my heart
My love, my home, my sanctuary, my peace
I close my two eyes and open them on the inside
I see you, I see me, I see God, I see love
This is an option too, this is a choice
This has always been a choice
I just couldn’t see it
Today is a new day
And I choose love
I choose life
I choose peace
Today, I am coming home to the heart