“Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible in us be found.”
― Pema Chödrön
I have been on a journey of recovery, healing, and transformation most of my life. There is no destination on this journey, no “arriving”. There is awareness and an awakening to the truth of who you really are and once that happens you can’t look the other way. You know there is more, and so you put one foot in front of the other and move yourself forward one day at a time.
We have all had our hearts broken at least once if not many times. On some level, most people experience some form of trauma, betrayal, pain or heartache. I have recently been finding my art and poetry from 20-25 years ago and am hoping that it might bring hope and healing to some on this similar journey…
This was one of those times that I found my heart went through annihilation yet again:
The Essential Self
I wish I’d never met you,
My heart wouldn’t be so broken.
I wish I’d never loved you,
My dreams wouldn’t be so shattered.
I sometimes want to evaporate
Disappear, vanish, turn invisible
The pain is so sharp, it stabs like a knife
So deep, so intense, I feel like a million bits and pieces
Sorrow is heavy, regret weighs a ton too
Slows me down, holding me back
My wings are tied behind me, I can’t fly
My tears are choking my throat, I can’t sing
Who am I anymore?
Why do I exist, resist, persist?
When did the light fade away?
I blinked and with a flicker it died.
Where am I headed?
With a past so grey and a future so black?
I wonder how I’m going to make it,
But my bags are packed.
There is a place for me,
I know I will find it.
There is a light in me,
I know I’ll shine it.
There is a voice in me,
I know I will use it.
For my undeniable, unalterable,
Essential Self is rising.
As the quote by Pema Chödrön goes, “Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible in us be found.” Our heart needs to be broken open to heal. Ultimately, that which is your inner diamond, your indestructible, unmessable, untamperable self will be found by you. That – is your Essential Self.