One moment IT was there, the next moment, IT was gone. I was overcome with a clarity like never before. My eyes had never seen like they could see before, my ears had never listened like this, words seemed more deliberate than ever. This magical, mystical, miracle moment of my life was the moment I lost IT.
What is IT, you ask? IT is the Inner Talk, the Inner Trash or the Inner Turmoil that used to go on and on and on inside my head. For decades entertaining me, with it’s non-stop running movie reel with back to back screenings, incessantly, playing and replaying, sometimes in slow motion, in high definition, zooming in on mostly those events I wanted to forget. An inner turmoil – twisted and tricky, that would just never stop, a voice that would never shut up, it would go on and on and bring me down, it would remind me of my failings, what was not working for me, who was next on the disappointing me list, what they did, how they hurt me, how I was betrayed, cheated, abused and how pitiful I was. This Inner Turmoil, my beloved IT, kept me up to date on what a loser I was, a failure, never enough and not deserving of love by any stretch of my imagination.
But then, one day, BAM! POOF! Gone! Yes, gone.
One moment IT was there, and the next moment, IT wasn’t. And then a cool breeze like sensation moved through me. I experienced a deep inner silence. A stillness. A calm, quiet, PEACE. This is what the PEACE of God must feel like. I am OK, I thought to myself.
Such a contrast between the noise and the nothingness. But in this contrast, that may seem like a chasm to some, there is also a gift. This is the portal, the threshold, the gateway to the magical, mystical, miracle moment. This is the access to peace, love, and happiness. But you have to lose IT first.
The interesting aspect of losing IT is that you can’t actively pursue losing IT. You learn and you realize that you are a spiritual being having a human experience and you come from the aspect that you are a deliberate, divine creation. You know this, you own this, you live this. You search for what is false and you let it go, over and over again. You choose love, peace, and forgiveness, any chance you get. Then, one blessed day, you finally lose IT! And what a blessed day that certainly is.
Have you ever wondered, when an apple tree bears fruit? Does it bear fruit only when the apple appears on a branch or does the apple already exist in the mind of the seed where it came from? I believe that many apples already exist in that one tiny seed, don’t they? What do you think?
The clarity from IT, Inner Turmoil/Talk/Trash, although can manifest in an instant, the seed for this gift had been planted within our mind long before it. Just like the seed of an apple tree, I believe that each and every one of us has within us the propensity to bear the fruit of the gifts in our life. We have the innate capacity, in fact, it is who we are.
I have come to understand that when you finally lose IT, you find PEACE. My hope for you is to lose IT too and find PEACE and LOVE in you.